Archive

Archive for October, 2007

Go fuck a bike.

Okay, so a guy in a Scottish hostel gets caught wearing nothing but a white t-shirt and, “…holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex.”  Okay, so far pretty normal for Scotland, right?  (Hey, my last name’s McDowell, so fuck off.)

The part I don’t get is that they’ve thrown this weirdo on a sex offender’s registry!  This was an intimate moment between a pervert and his bicycle, in private.  He didn’t do this in front of a school or a bike shop.  They even had to use a pass key to get into the room!  This was behind locked doors.  What’s the difference between this and a college girl using a vibrator, except the fact that there’s no video of this on my computer?  None whatsoever.  As more of this sort of thing goes down, the harmless perverts are going to get thrown in with the dangerous predator types until eventually, we’re all convicted of sex crimes.  One of the ways the Soviet Union kept people in line was to make so many bullshit laws that everybody was guilty of something, without even trying.  Now the supposedly free world is going the same way.  We have to reverse this trend before it’s too late.  We need to get a few hundred test cases into the U.S. Supreme Court.

So go fuck a bike.

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What?

No, no no!

Oh, my. No. Just no.

Why’d she have to remove one shoe to take a dump? Why does it look like she’s trying to figure out what that smell is? What happened to her nose? Who taks a shit with a feather boa? Why’d she think we wanted to see this? What kind of record executive would approve a cover like this? What did the rejected covers look like? Who told her she was hot enough to use a toilet shot for anything, much less an album cover? And who the fuck keeps flowers by the toilet?

I checked Allmusic and found a short entry for this album.   When viewed beside the cover, all the song titles take on a humorous slant (like Getting To Know Me – yikes!), but none more so than Muffle That Fart or Love Stinks.  Apparently, Millie Jackson had a long career, but it looks like this album was the beginning of the end.  Hard to imagine why.

I’d love to know the sales stats for these albums.

Born Secular, Baby!

The most encouraging part of this is that young people are showing strong numbers of atheists and agnostics. Hopefully this trend will hold and even increase. It would be nice to one day look back on these days with future generations who are blissfully ignorant of the pain inflicted on our species by the memes of religion and superstition. Watching religion wither on the vine would be pretty sweet.

I’m a tool user!

That’s right, evolution isn’t just something in the past. It’s here and now. Which way do we want to steer our descendants? Cool spaceships and brains measured in cubic meters, or underground cannibal troll-people? Maybe those aren’t the only choices, but maybe making the funny will keep me from getting eaten by the troll overlords.

I’m also very high in cholesterol. Oh crap, they don’t know what that means!