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Archive for June, 2008

This is just too stupid

Is this really what humans are coming to?

Those buying Booty Sweat in major cities will get treated to a description of it as a “delicious and bump up struttin’ energy drink that will pump up a brotha’s ass right-pronto. This swill will crank yo’ metabolism up skippin’ right over jiggy to straight G-pimp level, word to your mutha. Brothas will be layin’ down the 2-3 on the wiggy jig focusing the energy flow into cold-face benjamins that will fill yo’ pimp pockets to burstin’. Damn straight! Booty Sweat will keep a brotha pitchin’ straight game all night to the baby-dolls.”

As if it’s not bad enough that some of the more ill-educated among us speak this way (or ape those that do), now it’s going to be glamorized yet-again by the church of capitalism. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with our species? Have we all just lost our damn minds?

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And Fuck You Very Much, Louisianna

Do you fuckers want to know why the civilized world makes fun of the South? Well here ya’ll go!

The text of the LSEA suggests that it’s intended to foster critical thinking, calling on the state Board of Education to “assist teachers, principals, and other school administrators to create and foster an environment within public elementary and secondary schools that promotes critical thinking skills, logical analysis, and open and objective discussion of scientific theories.” Unfortunately, it’s remarkably selective in its suggestion of topics that need critical thinking, as it cites scientific subjects “including, but not limited to, evolution, the origins of life, global warming, and human cloning.”

There is no debate within the scientific community, nor any other realm in which relatives refrain from procreation with one another, on any of these topics.

We should have let the South secede back in 1860.*

*Slavery would have eventually crumbled under the weight of economic concerns.

Want lower taxes? Vote Obama!

That’s right.  If you make less than $112,000 per year, you will get to keep more of your money with Senator Obama’s tax plan than that of Senator McCain.  So don’t listen to the bullshit about how Democrats want to take all your money and give it to Gay Crackhead Welfare Moms For Al Queda.

I’ll let Rep. Kucinich sum up the last seven years for me.

As I predicted when I first saw the story on Digg, major media coverage has been sorely lacking.  Possible impeachment of a sitting president?  Not newsworthy.  Let’s see if there’s any new Hollywood crotch-shots…

Real Time Evolution?

This could help evolution drop its “theory” status and move on up to a law.  Scientists have observed the development of a new trait after approximately 44,000 generations of e. coli in the lab.  Twelve populations, but only one of them exibited the ability to metabolise citrate, a compound in their nutrient solution.  A compound that e. coli normally cannot use.  Maybe the imaginary man did it.

Take THAT, Windows Vista!

I like how it seems like he’s not the one who’s going to flip out, just for a few seconds, then off he goes! And then he has a couple moments where you can almost hear him deliberating in his head.  “Um, okay, I hit fat Roy from Accounts Receivable, and threw a monitor at Sandra-who-always-smells-like-fingernail-polish-remover-and-Juicy-Fruit-gum, and I didn’t chip in for Toni’s cake after she had back surgery and…  Maybe they’ll just make me go to an anger management class or something.  Where’s that TPS Report…  Ah, fuck it!”  I guess somebody didn’t want to go for $2 margaritas at Friday’s after work this week.

It seems kind of pathetic, the way all these losers just stand around watching this shit.  You’re never going to get a better excuse to tackle and viciously beat Uptight Bob from Marketing.  The dude who got hit at first is kind of trying to usher people out to safety, but most of them seem too stupid to do anything but mill around and scream.  But even if you don’t want to tangle with Crazy Bob, get your asses out of there, you dumb fucks!  Don’t stand around with your cell phone camera waiting for him to come trash your corner of the office and throw a monitor at your head.  If you want to let Security deal with this guy, that’s fine, but don’t leave yourself as a target in the mean time.  Dumbasses.